I've been listening to a lot of Vienna Teng lately. I think it's mostly due to the influence of one of my friends at school, but I remember a lot of the songs from William's car a couple of years ago. Knowing William and his crazy connections in Saratoga, I wouldn't be surprised if he knew her personally. 


So I was correct.

Maybe it's just a phase, but I've made a hobby out of looking up her lyrics on Song Meanings and playing her songs from my iPod's speakers at work.

Looking back, I've had quite an eventful week. I was practically attached to Timothy at the hip for six days straight, and every time we needed to go back to his apartment (or my room in Middle Earth), it was a 4-mile round trip. In other words, since we made more than just a few round trips, I probably walked more than I ever have in my entire life. Walking sucks. I hate it. Walking long distances sucks even more. Due to us being sick of excessive walking, he decided to pretty much set up camp in my room (since my room is originally a double during the academic year anyways).

 
(Bird's eye view of the front of the room ; new workspace complete with *~sexy wireless~* for my room only. Pure awesome.)

So during the summer, Middle Earth, free of all its first-year viruses from during the academic year, basically rents out its rooms to summer conferences. These conferences range from cheerleaders to marketing officials from Brazil (who don't speak a word of English) to "gifted students" in math and science (pretty much bullshit). That's pretty much all I know about the conferences...other than there are so many annoying kids running around, but when I walked into the Conference Office the other day (run by the CAs a.k.a. 'Conference Assistants'), I saw this box with my title on it. And I thought "I will probably never check my mail here, but awesome!"


(That is all.)

On Thursday, Timothy and I went on a super adventure and finally went to see Drag Me to Hell. I've been wanting to see that movie since foreeverrrrrrr, and right before it stopped playing in every theater nearby, an angel flew over my head, lifted me into the dreaded OCTA, and bussed me half an hour away to the only theater that was still showing it. The movie was great, and before that, we even stopped at Panera and had a nice cafe-style lunch (*See below).

Training ended a week ago and we are no longer provided with food from the commons. I kind of expected myself to eat out more often (because I rarely have the heart to cook), but I'm surprised that I haven't eaten out a lot. In fact, I've only gone when friends ask me and when I'm out for the day already (and have no other choice other than eat out). Otherwise, I've grilled with the hall, made curry, had homemade sandwiches, and mooched off food from other hallmates. Timothy brought me Korean BBQ one day and another day, we cooked at his apartment.

 
(*Panera- Soup in a bread bowl and a panini.)    (Right: A couple of my friends made onigiri + salmon for dinner one night. I provided the rice cooker!)

Lastly, I decided to go to the Farmer's Market at the University Center for the first time in probably...a year. My original intention was to go there and get that frozen apple juice that I love so much, but in addition to that, we snagged a bag of oranges (which were pretty damn good), a yellow watermelon that we have yet to slaughter, and a nostalgic raspberry chocolate scone. Going back soon for sure. The only downside was that it was kind of hot outside, and it was a pain to wake up before noon on a Saturday. But it was all worth it.


(Lots of healthy fruit + a bite of the scone remaining.)

*~ANIMAL CORNER~*

 
(American Eskimo puppy at Spectrum. IT WAS SO FREAKING           (Bunnies at Fashion Island. I'm already set on getting a bunny at the
CUTEAL:FJLDSFK:DS. First dog I want to get after I graduate,           beginning of the academic year. I'M SO EXCITED I WONDER WHAT
get my own apartment, and have a stable job and future.)                  COLOR I SHOULD GETTTTT :D:D:D:D!!)


(Koi fish at Fashion Island. I also want a pond of these when I have
a stable job, future, and have the ability to remodel my backyard for
100 of these fishies.)

The weather here has been kind of gloomy lately. It would either be gloomy and cold, or gloomy and warm. Regardless, gloomy.

On the brighter side, move-out is done and I am in my new room for summer training! Timothy and I spent the entire weekend packing up all my crap, moving all the boxes and junk onto carts, and made about ten journeys around Middle Earth. This is what it looked like when everything was initially moved in:


(Freaking mess.)

I spent the remainder of Sunday pushing all of the big boxes and stuff I didn't need under the beds. Yes, beds. Since I get a double room for myself, I decided to push the beds together to make a super bed. After all that was done, I changed the furniture around, pulled out my desk, and ended up with this:

 
(Pretty nice, huh? Although...the awesome chair is not mine. I'm just holding onto it for Timothy.)

So that will be my room until the end of August. I'm excitedddd~

We went back to the sushi place 'Aomatsu' on Saturday night. Once again, it was a nice dinner, and since we forgot what we ordered last time, we picked random rolls off the menu. My favorite was unagi tempura (on the far right).


(Two pieces were already missing because we were starving. Om nom nom nom.)

ANIMAL CORNER!!
One of my residents from last year hid a bunny in his room for the entire quarter and was afraid of me finding out (since animals are not allowed in the residence halls). I really didn't care if there was a bunny in the room, but on the last day, I wanted to go play with it. OHMYGAWDDD SO FREAKING CUTE. She was around 9 weeks old, was raised around people, and super friendly. Practically felt like a stuffed animal with the floppy ears and the big fuzzy feet. I am definitely considering getting a bunny for next year.

 
(AKLSFJKLDsld;fksfjskd cuteness overloaaad.)

On the not-so-cute side (for most people, but not for me), I brought a snail back into my old room. Middle Earth is littered with snails at night, especially if the grounds are damp from rain or the sprinklers. I sometimes get really sad because people step on them like crazy and it looks like a massacre outside, so this snail was my pet for a grand total of 20 minutes (before I brought it back outside...scaring a bunch of the girls in the hall on my way out).

 
(Whaat? I think that snails are cute. Except that one time when I picked one up and it pooped something black.)

That is all for now!

I have a little tradition of taking pictures of the food I eat everywhere I go, but since it has been finals!party for the past week, I decided to make it a finals blog too.

Twelve units means three finals, but 3 finals is a lot when you have been slacking off as much as me. Last Friday was the last day of instruction, so I went out for Korean Tofu!


(This is my excuse to start my food blog. Freaking delicious.)

Last Saturday was Day 1 of studying, where all I did was sit around with my anthro study guide and kind of watch Timothy and his friends cry over chem. That night, we ordered pizza, hooked the professional Korean Starcraft league games up to the TV, and enjoyed ourselves. Like nerds.


(Empty pizza plates and cream soda while watching oodles of nerdiness.)

I think a big problem with my room is that even though I have the room to myself (and it is decently quiet. sometimes), I get easily distracted with everything around me. I can't sit at my desk and study because it will lead to Facebooking and AIMing and random web surfing, and I can't lie on my bed and study or else my narcolepsy will kick in. I don't like study areas or study rooms because they are sometimes too noisy (and I don't like studying when I'm around other people), so I've really had a hard time finding a place.

Several weeks ago, I realized that the package room in the housing office was the perfect place. Now, I drag all my study materials, perch myself on one of the stools, and stay there for hours on end. The room is kind of small, it smells like cardboard boxes, and there's a creepy stalker window right next to my seat where people can kind of watch me.

Sometimes, I feel like a crazy person in an insane asylum.

But overall, it's isolated and comfortable enough for me to get some decent studying done.

I bring my food in there and even take some nice, short breaks without any huge distractions.

 
(Free chili-cheese dog, fried chicken, and Fruit Loops treat from the commons. Arranging fruit snacks to pass the time while studying international stock markets.)

I am currently done with my International Financial Management final and my Anthro whatever-the-topic-was final, and I'm super tired. More mentally tired than physically tired. But not tired enough to see the words swirl on my computer screen or flesh melting off my walls. Yet.

This is what the sky looked like when I went to sleep last night:


(Bright. Oh, so bright. Why so bright? ~ 6:00AM)

Last night, I had a really odd dream that had to do with a princess of this far away fantasy-like place turning into a zombie. The princess' parents were Gods, and the father (the lesser God) had sent me on a mission to find the mother (the greater God) and give her the bad news. I had the ability to get a running start, jump off the balcony of the castle, and fly. The environment was beautiful, the sky sparkled, I could do tricks in the air, and the clouds were like glittering puffs of magic that enveloped my body.

I woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating on my desk at 721AM. My fellow manager, who had pulled an all nighter, was texting me to ask if I was still awake or if I had fallen asleep. Apparently, I'm "horrible", because "we were supposed to have breakfast".

I want to fly again T-T

I realized lately that I'm too dedicated to my job. I have to move out by Saturday, yet, I start working immediately after my last final on Thursday, all of Friday, and the only shift before the move-out deadline on Saturday. That pretty much leaves me with...no time at all to pack up. I'm making it pretty hard on myself, especially since my room is full of junk accumulated after three years.

Oh well, we'll see how things work out.

My last week was pretty eventful. It is currently the week before finals week, so all I have left to do is study and hopefully not fail this quarter. I'm actually taking the time to update because I've procrastinated, and am currently doing so, on doing my study guide for an entire week. I don't know how worried I am about finals, but I hope that saying that won't jinx everything.

I was much more concerned with academics a year ago. Or two years ago. Now, I'm just like "whateverrrr...~"

Last Friday was Timothy's birthday and I felt really bad the entire week because I couldn't find a decent present. I had already gotten The Office: Seasons 3 & 4 for him, but that was more of an act of revenge than a present. I ended up drawing a picture and writing a letter instead (because I was stupid and had forgotten the card I bought during Memorial weekend in a Target bag back at home). I hope he liked it.



That night, we had fancy Korean BBQ. Whooo~



This entire week had also been littered with banquets to mark the end of the year. Banquets meant dinner every night, either from your own banquet or leftovers from another banquet. It also meant a lot of gifties, including plaques, hall cups, certificates, awards, and hall gifts. This is the gift of pure awesome that my hall gave to me. I will put it in my cubicle for next year:



Last Sunday, I was introduced to an online game produced by Doritos called "Hotel 626". Our first reaction? "What the hell, Doritos can make horror games?" We played through several levels and holy crap, it is a pretty freaky game. Of course, I have already been horror-desensitized thanks to Glynnis and our years of horror movies and Fatal Frame, but I think that the game is definitely worth playing if you want a freak out.

Oh, and I still want to see Drag Me to Hell. Someone, see it with me please T-T

( Age meme? )

Unsuspecting, I left a certain boy in my room ("I'm tired, I'm going to nap here") while I went to class in the afternoon today. I came back to this:



A mug that says "World's Best Boss" fully suspended in red jello...courtesy of pranks from The Office.

AAAHHHHH YOUUUU, I'M GOING TO GET MY REVENGE.

First off, Timothy got me an iPod today. WHAT A PUNK AGFKLSFJSL:DFfkd



Acting all innocent, yet shady all day and then going "surprise!" Now I must get my revenge...

Anyways, I watched Star Trek on opening night last week. Truthfully, I had never watched the series and I was hesitant to go see the movie because I was afraid that I wouldn't be interested in the scifi and nerdyness, but it turned out to be a really good movie. Like...really good. I guess one doesn't need any prior knowledge on the series to understand the plot really well. The plot was good, the action was intense, the CGI was great, and the characters were amazing. Ooh...the characters. I realized that halfway through the movie, I was so focused mainly because I was like "Ooohh...Spock..."

I had to stop myself at Albertsons the other day and take a picture of this:



I recommend it! Go see it!

This week is kind of my off-week in terms of papers and midterms, so I'm taking the time to do a little extra for the attendant team next year. We're having our first informal meeting this Friday that will include ice cream and icebreakers, so I spent the majority of my evening making around 30+ pins/buttons. I'll attach their names onto the buttons later this week and hopefully make a game concerning taking a random button and having them find the owner of the button. It'll probably turn out okay...except half of them will already know each other because we have a team of 56% returners...

This button is one of my favorites:



As you can see, I wanted to make the theme of the buttons fun and interesting too :)

Tomorrow is Wednesday...and Wednesday means "Waffle Wednesdays" at late night Brandywine. I love waffles! And I love it more when I have it at 1030pm on a school night. Last week, I made an awesome waffle. It had syrup and whipped cream and blueberries. Here's a picture of that heartattack:



I love waffles.

This week was amazingly exhausting.

As of right now, I'm sitting in Timothy's room trying to "study" for my anthropology midterm this coming Tuesday. It's almost 4AM and I've been going in and out of consciousness because Rockstar energy drinks don't seem to work on me. At all.

I'm about 1/10 done with what I have to study.

I had my first dose of what it means to be office manager this week. I had no free time at all, and if I wasn't in class, I was conducting interviews, in meetings, or running to and from Middle Earth. I never imagined that being the interviewer would be so draining, but I guess it takes a lot of energy to sit there for hours, listen to others talk, take notes, and discuss afterwards.

At least Friday marked the last day of interviews. I woke up extremely tired, dragged myself to class, then to work, where I had coffee, bananas, and kettle corn. Wheee thank you!

<--Most healthy lunch ever.

After the last three interviews, my supervisor and fellow manager took a coney to Starbucks and proceeded to go through all the applications and finalize the team. We had to make a lot of really tough decisions, but I'm overall pretty happy with the results and think that the team is going to be really great next year. It's just disappointing because we can't offer everyone the position.

<--The chaos of reviewing applications.

Watched Uzumaki (the horror movie) last night. I am now scared of washing machines.

I thought that I would be able to finally get a good night's sleep on Saturday, and even though I did get a decent amount of sleep, I still woke up really tired and unmotivated to do any work. But during the evening, we had a nice sushi dinner and wandered around Albersons for a bit, and I think I realized that I really like running around and fooling around at a grocery store.

<--Dinner of awesomeness.

The plan today is to stay up until 6AM...studying. I feel like I'm only updating this journal because if i don't find something to do and wake me up, I'll just pass out before 430.

Middle Earth Formal was fairly interesting, but it definitely wasn't as fun as it was last year. I partly felt like I was going out of obligation to support my peers, but the other part of me thought "Ah, what the heck. I might as well go." The first several hours were spent socializing and taking pictures and after that, I pretty much just focused on the food:

 
Salad with raspberry vinaigrette, chicken with a mango sauce, vegetables, and baked potatoes.

 
Mini black forest cake with berries, and some chocolate-covered bananas I hoarded from the chocolate fountain station.

I only spent around half an hour dancing, and the rest of the night was spent hanging out with staff at the check-in tables and just fooling around. Eventful, I guess, but I probably won't go again next year. Goodbye, Middle Earth formals!

I also had my first four of 47 potential attendant interviews today.

As of now, I have a women studies ad analysis paper to write. It's due tomorrow and I am currently not anywhere near done. God, I wish my paper would just do itself.

I woke up kind of tired and unprepared for my econ midterm today. I had spent all of last night locking myself up in MEHO's package room and forcing myself to study. It really helped that I had my own space (which was very quiet, thankfully), and after rearranging the furniture a bit, I made myself comfortable. Me and International Financial Management alll nightttt. Whooo party~



The midterm ended by noon and feeling not so great about it, I found myself back in the office again for a 12-2 shift. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, but I was happy since I didn't have to go to discussion today.

I despise public transportation. Well, Orange County public transportation isn't that bad, but I prefer to go places by private car. There's just something off about being a slave to the bus schedule and sitting in a large moving vehicle with a bunch of shady people. So Val came by and saved me from the dreaded OCTA and took us to The District, where I spent the rest of my day (or most of it).

As much as I don't read, I really love hanging out at bookstores. It reminds me of home when a bunch of friends and I would just hang out at Borders. There's just endless entertainment in a bookstore, and it's definitely easy to lose yourself in everything around you. Like this boy:

 

It's also really nice to just get off of campus once in a while, and I don't necessarily find the need to go to a really fancy place (maybe I'm just easily satisfied?) Or perhaps...as long as I'm with someone I want to spend time with, I don't mind going anywhere.

We indulged in caramel apples and ramen, and since I have a long-standing tradition of taking pictures of my food wherever I go, I figure that I might as well post them here too. Thank you for a wonderful day ♥

 

After making our way to Diamond Jamboree and spending way too much time in the purikura booth, Val made her way over and saved us from public transportation again! What a lifesaver. Therefore, it was only natural that we treat her to bread, tea, and cake at 85°C.

It's late now, and even though I told myself that I would do some homework today, that will probably not happen. However, I did get my midterm grade back already, and I guess it's not bad :)

Until tomorrow~

I decided that I will start posting in here again.

This journal has been such an on and off project that it almost seems meaningless to start it up again. But yesterday, I felt the sudden urge to just update on random happenings of my life, especially since a lot has been going on recently. So I will try to make an effort to post everyday (or at least several times a week).

I will write more later.

So I've been waking up at 7:00/7:30 for the past week to make it to work/ class/ work and class. With no time to rest during the day.
I'm fucking tired.
This will be a kind of short and angry journal entry. I'll write more when I actually have the -time- during the weekend.

I'm trying harder on my art nowadays. During high school, I used to pump out doodles or "deviations" every other class period since I would get too bored to take actual notes or give a crap. The lines were crude, there was no meaning, every character and pose looked the same, and there were no backgrounds. Now, there are still no backgrounds (I'm working on that), but I try hard to make each picture as good as I possibly can before I get sick of it. The result? Not as much time as before to constantly practice, practice, practice on new pictures. But prettier finished products?






Anyways...

I think I take offense really easily. For example, when people take a long time to respond to me (or if they don't respond at all), even if they think that they're not doing anything wrong, I find it kind of offensive. Really offensive. Almost as if my statement didn't have any importance or as if by ignoring me, they're indirectly saying "you're not worth my time". I especially hate it when people propose to do something...but end up not taking the initiative to start the project. Well...what are you expecting me to do? Continuously bug you and look like a fool while you continue to ignore me and/or take your sweet time to respond?

I'm a very "Ok, you want to do this? Let's get to work" kind of person. In other words, I don't like to linger and draw things out. You either want to do it or you don't want to do it. Therefore, when people aren't prompt, it's offensive. Is it because they don't care enough? Or that I'm taking up their time? Whatever it is...

ugh, I'm just being a mean person right now. I should go to sleep.

I have nothing to do at the moment, so I'll take this time to write a (slightly positive?!) journal entry!

It's been five days since I've moved back into Middle Earth and started training and even though it has been REALLY tiring, it's a nice change from the laziness of summer.

Tuesday started off with moving into the training hall (and moving more stuff into my permanent hall, which is conveniently right across from the training hall).
Wednesday marked the first day of training which involved some introductions and activities and info sessions that involved all of us (and also our first 'forced bonding' event of the week-- mini golf at night!).
Thursday was 'Park Day' (aka more fun-in-the-sun forced bonding activities from 845am-5p). Activities ranged from being broken up into groups of ten and trying to keep 20+ balloons up in the air for more than two minutes, walking across the park on wooden planks while carrying a large bucket of water by several strings, and walking mazes while blindfolded. I've never been so tired in my entire life.
Friday was more group training, going over the StrengthsQuest, ethics training, and more trying to not fall asleep while waiting for lunchtime and dinnertime to roll around.
Come Saturday, I could finally sleep in past 800 in the morning. Thank the lord. Played Rock Band all afternoon, went out to get sushi and dessert, and came back to a hall full of people starting their posters. Ran out at midnight with a couple of people to get our fourth meal.

Maybe it's the feeling of finally being an upperclassman, or perhaps it's the thrill that I never really felt last year during training, but I can't wait until everyone gets into that mood right before Welcome Week and right before the residents move in. Although there are a lot of returners this year, we're a completely different staff team than last year and it's exciting to wait and see how things will turn out. As for me, even though I'm back in the dorms, I can't help but think about what may be in store for me, what kind of residents I'll meet, and how close I'll become with certain staff members this year.

Sometimes, I forget that I'm also here to go to class and get a degree.

Being at home is definitely great-- you are fed and get to hang out with your family and friends at places you've grown up around, but I feel like life at home is so routine. There's a special kind of freedom and 'uncertainty of the future' when you live away from home and around a group of other people who are in the same position. I came in this week slightly skeptical of the competency of some of the staff members, but now that I've gotten to know more of them a little better, I realize that they are all here for a reason (or else they wouldn't have been hired in the first place). And although we're all being forced to live in one hall for 2+ weeks, I'm sure that only good things will come out making posters together, running out to get food together, playing video games in the common room together, and dragging our sore asses back from training at the end of the day together.

Anyways, I'm sitting here and almost falling asleep. I think I'll start organizing my permanent room tomorrow (right now, it's just a bunch of boxes and clothes and random crap sitting around). I'm also excited about that (especially the part when I get to organize the toys :D)-- I'll take a picture when it's done!

1. My LJ finally crapped out on itself (the images that were used in the code were apparently being hosted on Photobucket...and the bandwidth exceeded =__=). So until I find a better layout, I'm going to have to use a preset one. Booo..

2. Lately, I feel like my art has been spiraling backwards. Maybe it's the excessive "chibi" pictures I've been doing (little Gin&Katsura, the DGM icons, other club-related in-progress projects that require a 'cuter' style) or the fact that I've been rushing through things because I get sick of working on a piece so easily. I've also lost track of the style I was trying to hold on to and feel like everything is becoming very...generic anime-y, and I personally want to stay away from that as much as possible. That makes me sad because I want to do better than what I've been putting out recently (not to mention that I can't stand looking at the front page of my DA profile).

Ahaha...or maybe I can't do better and this is my limit -__- I must've done too much this summer damn you, damn youuu. Ok, after I finish all the little things that are lying around, I'm going to take a deep breath, purge whatever is possessing me to draw in this style, and start over again. Ugh.

3. RANDOM FACT OF THE DAY: So I think I'm going to go get a haircut tomorrow. You know, I always wanted to cut my hair short and dye it blonde (like Hamasaki Ayumi). But chances are...that's never going to happen.

4. My parents were talking about the future today. As in GREs and GMATs and grad school and PhDs and life and jobs and failure and nastiness. I hate the future.

5. In other news, my desktop has finally reached its limit of jankiness too. There's a bug that's messing around with the internet (or at least only the browser since AIM works fine) and makes things excruciatingly slow. Like REAALLYY slow. Like...slower than Glynnis' old dial-up slow. So I've been using my laptop for surfing and my desktop for everything else. How sad is that?

6. I went to Video Games Live!! It was good and overall really entertaining. They just need to stop shining those effing beams into the audience and burning my eyes out of their sockets.

7. So far, I've managed to pull three people into the obsessive Gintama fandom: Glynnis, Charlene, and J. WHO WANTS TO BE NEXT?! :D:D:D:D:D

8. Going back to Irvine this weekend :( Poop, training ruined the last month of my summer. At least it'll be chaotically entertaining and I'll get paid and lots of people will be there suffering with me. And maybe life will kick me in the balls again (like last year's training, THANKS).

9. Oh yeah, Glynnis. I don't remember if I told you, but I only found one extra of Katsura :( No extras of Gintoki, but I also have one extra of Elizabeth, Kagura, Hijikata, and Yamazaki (and Takasugi, but you have to beg reaaallyyy hard to get that one off of me :D). So if you want one of those, it'll be your early birthday present late birthday present early Christmas present present of some sort.

10. I figured that ten would be a nice round number to leave off on, but I can't think of anything else. 

 

DO PEOPLE STILL UPDATE THIS THING?! I will do it later.

Rule of the Universe #52: Boys are crapface and not worth it unless they can meet certain criteria set by you.

Jill tells me that my standards are way too high and that I'm way too picky. But if he doesn't make at least 15/20, bye bye!

Do people still write in their Livejournals? Holy crap, it has been...waay too long and people have actually been posting for the past month. Pfft. Negligence on my part.

Let's see...

Work
...is fine. Other than the occasional gate-arm-breaking in the middle of the night and "Holy crap, Pippin exploded" or flood through Middle Earth, work has not really felt like work. Maybe it's because I practically live there, so when I'm actually at the front desk, it doesn't feel any different from when I'm hanging out with nothing to do. At the very last minute, I decided not to apply for RA because if a miracle ever happened and I did get the job, I don't want my 3rd year consumed by the responsibility of making 80 kids' first year experience enjoyable. I've seen too much of even the most energetic and dedicated RAs getting pooped out, and I know that I'm definitely not as energetic. Maybe my 4th year...

School
...is okay this quarter. The upper division classes are not as neck-wringing as I thought they would be and the only class I'm worried about is  Econ15a: stats&probability for freaks who like sigma notation. It doesn't help that the professor is the biggest douchebag on the planet and treats us all like 5-year olds. His homework and tests are impossible, but whatever. My enrollment window is coming up, and once again, I'm not going to search up my classes until the day before. All I know is that I have to take Econ15b with the same.goddamn.professor. Augh.

4.0 crusade! Who's with me?

Positive strokes
To Michelle who still manages to find the time within her busy schedule to talk to me and listen to my emo-angry-rants. Especially since I've been in such a tired and blaargghh mood lately. I also realized that I need more sleep than I used to need. Last year, I was (strangely) able to wake up at 7:15 almost every morning for stupid 8 o'clock classes after getting 5 hours of sleep. Now, I think that I need at least 6.5-7 or else I'd totally crash. In some cases, I'll even skip class for more sleep. Then, of course there's the time/sleep trade-off. So more sleep = less stuff getting done = angry me. But when I sleep, I don't need to think about anything, so I guess that's good...

Lack of LJ
I just realized why. I've been writing in a private journal lately. No WONDER I've had nothing to say!

Individual Rants

Stupid people I hate
So maybe I'm not a real social animal, but I realize that the more time I spend with people, the more I can't stand them. So if I ever get mad at you and start ignoring you, most of the time, it isn't you. Well, it is you, but it's mostly the little things about you that people can't see unless they spend a ridiculous amount of time with you everyday. Since I've discovered this about myself, I wonder if I can ever find someone I WON'T get sick of. The moral of the story is: No matter how much I love you, if I spend WAAY too much time with you, chances are I'm going to end up pissed off at you (temporarily) somewhere along the way. Wow, that was a mean thing to say.

While on the topic of people I hate, there are two kinds of people who suck: people who you hate slowly and people you hate right off the bat.
Enter subject#1: People you hate right off the bat because they're socially awkward, think they're the shit, and try to ask YOU for dirt to use against your closest friends. Oh wait, add in the fact that they're threatening to use dirt on YOU in hopes that it will affect your closest friends (ok, it's not really dirt if everyone and their mom knows, but whatever). Um, shuttup and get out of my face before I shove your face into the shredder.
Enter subject #2: People who seem cool and attract you at first; maybe you want to get to know them better. They seem smart and talented with a sense of humor, but you're sure that they also know when to act mature. Even if you really can't find the time to hang out with them or really get to know them, you spend enough time observing their interactions with other people. Slowly, you realize..."Holy crap, what an immature and insensitive 5-year old." The complete opposite of what you thought at first. More about subject #2 below.

Reasons why love sucks
Boys are strange creatures because of the guys I've talked to about close friends, relationships, and crushes, they seem to get over them pretty quickly. Not the same case for girls. It's true that the more time I spend with people, the more I can't stand them because I start to pick on their bad qualities, but loving them becomes a natural thing.  For example, you don't think "I have to love my parents because they do (blah) for me" because loving them, at this point, is just as natural as breathing (for most people). This notion applies to close friends who might piss you off, but no matter how angry you are at them, you're so used to loving them that whatever crap they're going through hurts you more than it hurts them because you're so used to caring about them. So love sucks because even if you don't want to love, you end up loving because you're close to someone.

This idea also applies to immature and insensitive 5-year olds (subject#2) because no matter how much you want to smack them in the face with that heavy duty stapler in the copier room, you're so used to the feeling of wanting to protect them, loving them for who they are, and wanting to sacrifice anything to see them smile that you end up loving them even though they are pathetic, immature, and insensitive 5-year olds. You think that the feeling will go away when you realize they suck, but noooo. So love sucks again because even if someone isn't who you thought they were, you still end up loving them because you're so used to wanting to put them in your protective bubble and because you've had feelings for them for such a long time.

What the fuck, love.

I did this at work today. ALKSjfksldgjks.

I realized lately that I'm the kind of person who shifts priorities really easily. A better way to say it is...I change around the labels of "What is important to me" very often. Too often. Too frighteningly often.

Maybe it's because I'm growing up and growing out of my old interests. I'm changing, so isn't this natural?

But it kind of scares me when something that used to be really important to me becomes replaced and tossed aside in my heart so easily. I find myself wondering why this event...this person...or this ambition meant so much to me. How come I suddenly don't feel the same way anymore? And how come I suddenly feel so stupid about letting it control my life a month ago...a year ago...?

So it scares me even more when I think that someday, whenever that day will be, I couldn't care less about my treasures right now. And I would laugh when I remember how I forced myself into a living hell.

I'm tired. Maybe not physically tired because I think I get enough sleep (most of the time), but mentally tired. Just tired of everything.

I've always said that I wanted a car to come by and hit me so I can forget everything. But Jill says that I don't want to forget- I just want to stop feeling.

It'll be week four next week. Midterms start next week, bu as of now, I'm three weeks behind.

Stephanie is bored and she doesn't want to read and take notes. Guess what she's gonna do now!!